Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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