I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
