i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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