You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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