do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
