You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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