I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
