Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
