I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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