if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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