thus making me awesome and them whores
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
