Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
