Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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