How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize