Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
