i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
