her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
