Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
