Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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