I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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