Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
