mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
