Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
