Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...