The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
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i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?