I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.