32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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