Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
