Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize