Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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