Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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