I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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