I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
