A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
