and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
