I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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