it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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