Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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