I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
