They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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