On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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