so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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