Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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