just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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