You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
