I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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