yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
