We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
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I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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