she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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