so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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