Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
