I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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