I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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