i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
