Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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