I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
