the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my liver is dry heaving
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
