So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
