So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
