Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
