maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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