I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
