I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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